Gary Thomas Debunks 3 Common Myths That Most Millennial’s Believe About Marriage.
After polling my online community about the most helpful marriage resource they’ve found, I was shocked to see a book title I had never heard of show up in 1/4 of their responses. That book was Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas.
Naturally, I tabbed over to Amazon, made the purchase, spent the next couple days reading, and then reached out to Gary for an interview.
Quickly in to our time, I was thrilled to realize that Gary was no typical marriage counselor and seemed to actually enjoy life & conversation – beyond just offering formulas and making points. It didn’t take us long to veer off topic, where we landed on some golden thoughts about common myths young people believe about marriage. I thought it to be too good not to share.
Press play to watch 10 mins of the interview or see my highlights below.
MYTH: The One.
HISTORY. The idea of “THE ONE” and a “soul mate” comes originally from Plato, the Greek philosopher.
In his book, the Symposium, his character Aristophanese suggests that the reason romantic attraction is generally so strong, was because at one point, we were all round people. Rather, we all were both male & female, and because of this, the human race became too powerful. So, Zeus split humans in two with the intention that we’ll spend our time trying to find our other half and won’t threaten the gods.
Sounds about right, eh?
REALITY. The spouse you spend your life with is your choice.
With as little as the Bible talks about initially getting married, it implies that it is a choice based on character & faith – not feelings or destiny.
She is free to marry anyone she wishes, as long as they’re in the Lord. | 1 Corinthians 7
(Note: The debunking of this myth 5 years ago led me to immediately propose to my wife. I spent the majority of our dating relationship waiting for God to tell me she was THE ONE. He finally clued me into the fact that love is a choice, and I made the jump. It was a much needed debunking that led to one of the better decisions I’ve made in life.)
MYTH. God will bring the right person at the right time.
REALITY. We have a role to play in FINDING and choosing our spouse.
If someone came out of high school and said if God wants me to go to college, the University of Texas will contact me. Or when they graduate college, they simply sit around waiting for a call from Bill Gates to go and work for Microsoft? Obviously, this is not how getting a job works. Turns out that marriage doesn’t work this way either.
A good woman is hard to FIND… | Proverbs 31
MYTH. My feelings are a primary indicator that he/she is a good choice for a spouse.
We’ve been so inundated with teaching on how blinding sexual impurity before marriage can be, yet never warned about the detriment of emotional infatuation. Science tells us that romance lasts 12-18 months and inevitably fades. In those 12-18 months, you’re officially infatuated and prone to idealization. You stop seeing who the person actually is. You find yourself so busy trying to get them and keep them that you don’t have any emotional energy or value to truly tell if they’re worth getting or keeping. You ascribe strengths to them that they don’t have and you marry someone that doesn’t actually exist.
REALITY. Strong feelings of romance are a 12-18 month chemical reaction that often cause us, in our vulnerable, to make stupid choices.
When you marry based on idealism and romantic infatuation, you will inevitably land on the thought “He/She is not who I thought He/She was.” You married someone you didn’t know.
God created the neurochemical processes in our mind, but it’s foolish to bet our life on it. We must make this choice on a biblical and wise basis.
Gary comes out & makes some bold statements here about things many of us have thought to be longstanding truths. Is there anything he said that you either strongly agree or disagree with? Speak your mind below.